I was in elementary school at the time when I heard the song on the radio on CFNY 102.1 and saw the video on MuchMusic. The song was catchy when John Lydon started with the lines, “I could be wrong… I could be right.”
Those menacing, large eyes with the dyed(?) red hair. It left an impression on me all my life.
And how true it is how anger is an energy. I felt it last Saturday.
A Trip to Playtime
I took Da Little One to Playtime, one of the many elaborate playgrounds inside large marts and shopping malls. A deal was struck between Da Missus, Da Little One and myself to take him on a Saturday.
So, on a Saturday afternoon around 3 p.m., Da Little One and I drove to Vic Market. We got in, parked the car and took the escalator down to the 3rd floor. We made to the entrance, paid up, we got in.
I saw him dashing around from place to place, jumping on a large, brown teddy bear cushioned by air, running up and down padded ramps and sliding down on rollers.
We kicked around a white, light ball and shot it into a goal in a mini soccer field and shot a few hoops with a green-colored basketball at a basketball court.
Da Little One was a whirl of energy and I barely kept up with him.
The one he enjoyed the most was the room full of small, hollow plastic colored balls. We took the time to load the balls up into a yellow, metallic air cannon, which shot them across the room.
We dumped the balls into a yellow metallic fountain and saw the green, blue, white and red balls fly straight up into air and fall to the ground.
Then we went to another yellow metallic cannon and start proceeding loading it with balls.
“Dad! put the balls on the platform. Dad!”
So I obliged and piled them on.
On the other side were two kids loading the balls on the opposite yellow cannon. The balls whizzed back and forth harmlessly. Da Little One was having fun. I was also having fun and was happy.
Then I felt a small ball pelt my hip.
I didn’t think anything of it and kept heaping the balls.
Then I felt another ball hit the side of my head.
I looked over to see what happened. One of the kids wearing glasses was throwing the balls at me. Again, I didn’t care much about it and helped Da Little One.
Then another one hit my head. Having one ball hit me felt like an accident. The three balls that hit me stung ever so lightly.
I took a few balls and threw them back at him. He easily deflected each of the balls with his hands holding a ball.
“That kid is good with deflecting and throwing the balls,” I thought.
Then I went back to piling the balls for Da Little One.
One ball hit my body. One ball hit my head, again.
I took some time off helping Da Little One and threw some balls at the kid wearing glasses. He again easily deflected the balls.
Then I grabbed three or four in each hand and threw them at once.
He couldn’t deflect those and some of them hit him.
Then I went back to help Da Little One.
Wham! To the head.
I started to come over to the kid and he started to run away. He slipped a bit and fell down. I heaped balls on him for a bit, in good fun and partial frustration. When I thought it was enough, I went back to Da Little One and helped him load the cannon.
A few seconds later, a ball hit my ear.
I saw red.
I looked to the other side and the kid with glasses was there with one ball in each hand.
I paused. He paused.
Then I smiled.
I said to him, “That’s enough. You shouldn’t be throwing the balls at a person’s head.”
He went out.
I was relieved.
The rest of the day went nicely and Da Little One had fun.
After some ice cream and soda, we went home.
Anger Is an Energy
To be honest, I felt concerned.
I felt myself being angry so often with my family and work. I was worried I was going to fall out of control.
Headspace released a meditation session on Anger. I knew I needed to go through this session.
I remember Andy Puddicombe talking about how anger is an energy. Just like John Lydon sang in Rise.
Before the anger meditation session, I knew anger is an energy.
A few sessions in, and I can see anger. I can choose to engage it or not.
I saw that with the boy wearing glasses throwing ball after ball at my head and body.
I did my best to handle the anger rising. When that energy hit the critical point, I made the decision to face it and not engage it.
Fortunately, the energy dissipated.
With all anger, I try to take the time to recognize it, acknowledge it, and choose to not engage it.
I’m not perfect. I know I will engage some of that energy.
But being able to make choices with anger (or with any emotion) is going to help me make the best choices I can make.
I have a long way to go, but I know these energies are there, coming and (if I choose to) going away.