I’ll say it again and again: It’s such a big deal to show kindness to yourself.
Unfortunately, when I think I’m going to take a tumble and fall, I think I like to fall badly.
Like off of cliffs.
At first, I felt the shame and embarrassment. I can hear myself snickering, “I mean, where’s your professionalism, man? I thought you were dedicated to writing every day, come rain or shine, feeling good or bad!”
The shame turns to bereavement and shallow insults inside.
“You’re such a dummy. You made this. You should feel terrible for not getting this post done sooner. Go burn in hell.”
Yeah, the pelting words hurt are painful like filth being tossed in your face. It seems the smell stays with you until you can take a bath.
When the pain gets worse and worse, I start biting my nails. I feel a tension in the back of my neck.
I need a release valve.
If I seek to escape on the higher path, I read the Bible, read novels or non-fiction books, take long walks to the river nearby, exercise, listen to subliminal mp3s that say encouraging words through the nature sounds, go to sleep, and meditate.
A lot of the links above are free, so take advantage of them.
Other times, I fall to the dark side.
If I want instant pleasure, I seek my vices. They range from watching TV, indulging on social media (especially Facebook (I have lots filler, fun news loaded in my personal feed)), lying down on the floor, watching YouTube videos of Overwatch and bloopers, and drinking beer.
Could they get darker than that? Sure, and I’ll leave it at that.
The dark side leads to a greater path of self-destruction. I know I’m starting to sound like Yoda, but this is totally true.
Thank goodness I have my family, my work, and projects to interrupt me before I really fall through the floor.
Show Kindness to Yourself
From Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, she mentions how important it is to be kind yourself when you blunder and mess things up.
For the past decade, I really got hard on myself, especially when it came to mistakes made with family. I applied a personal barrage of hate and reminded myself over and over to not forgive myself when I did such a grievous wrong to family members.
While it did help with me doing better things, I still made some of the same mistakes. Then I added a greater dose of venom to quash those awful behaviors.
I was mentally poisoning myself thinking I’ll be better for it.
After reading that chapter on Numbing, I realized that I need give up on the numbing effects my vices gave me.
In other words, I need to face the music and have a good look at myself. I got to stop running and solve these deep issues. I should allow the cold water being splashed on me and understand what is going on.
And through all this, I ought to show kindness to myself. Forgive. Love all the stories I have inside. Cry a little and comprehend the wonderful messes carried inside.
I know these things won’t be solved overnight, but if I give myself to stop taking that easy escape and see the emotions I’m afraid of, I can really work with the deep-lying issues.
By showing compassion and kindness to myself, I can reflect those emotions into those I care about.
From This Day Forward
Show kindness to yourself. Be quick to forgive the wrongs we’ve committed. Understand that mistakes are what we make and not what we are.
Smile to ourselves. Embrace who we are. Dust off the dirt off our clothes. And move forward.