Here We Go – Into 2018

I can feel my neck tensing.

From here I have another 889 words to go.

I hate doing this.

But I want to do this.

I want to impact my life in a positive direction.

I’m tempted to edit, but I’m going to hold off.

Until I reach a thousand words.

I know what I’m going to write is going to be a lot of garbage.

A lot of the work I’m going to do is going to be trash.

My artwork won’t be hot because I haven’t drawn consistently.

My writing won’t be any good because I didn’t write consistently.

I’m going in as a beginner. I may stay there for a long time.

I don’t like it because all the things I’m going to do is going to take time. A lot of time.

On this New Year’s Day, why am I feeling so much pressure? This compilation to write? To draw? To create?

Time. The lack of time.

I don’t know how much time I have left in this world.

Yet I’m also really tempted by vices daily.

I’m in a permanent fight with my old self and it’ll be like that to the end of my life.

Now I’m at 201 words. I’m still not feeling better.

So, what do I want to accomplish in 2018?

I want to draw consistently for 15 minutes.

I want to write consistently a thousand words for about an hour.

I want to create a side hustle that’ll bring a certain amount of Korean Won (I have the amount in my mind and written down somewhere, but don’t want to share it)

272 words. It’s just not getting easier to write. It’s ironic how I encourage students to write in my class, yet I have a terrific time trying to do it myself!

Anyhow, stop complaining and keep going.

The tension in my neck is going to stay that way.

I can hear my family slowly waking up at 11:29am.

Yes. Half the day is gone.

I got a new diary. I wrote down the initial stuff. I’m afraid I may write only that.

I should reflect on the stuff I’ve drawn and written each day. But I hate reflecting. Maybe that’s why I don’t improve.

Well, that’s not true. I’m sure I’m improving here and there, but not as much as I would have liked.

396 words. Another 604 words to go.

If you’re reading this, I bet you would rather watch the paint peel, or see the waves crashing into the sand.

Actually, I would like to watch that. The waves rolling into the shore.

I know that may Koreans have left to the East Coast to see the sun rise for the first day of 2018.

A new start. Inspiration! Hope. A chance to start again.

Here’s hoping that those people will accomplish what they wanted to do. For me, I’m stuck here at the moment. Writing 490 words. Getting to the halfway point.

My stomach is queasy.

I can hear Joe speaking in the background. It’s in Korean. I can hear Da Missus talking to Joe. A nice cute conversation I can say.

I’m getting more and more distracted. While the tension in the neck is subsiding, I’m tense about tomorrow. The classes I have to teach. The new opportunities of doing temporary side projects.

I catch myself from reveal more cards on the table. I mean, what cards can be laid or not? I don’t think that deeply. I don’t plan very well.

Now I can hear Da Boy speaking. He always argues with Da Little One. I think some of the things are warranted. Other times, I wish he would be kinder to his younger brother.

622 words. I’m over the halfway point but man does this hurt badly.

It reminds me of the times when I wanted to change myself for the better. It was hard at the beginning. But I kept working at it, over and over. Then I think I turned the corner.

And then I stop. And for the life of me, I have NO IDEA WHY I STOPPED THERE.

I can such a sucker thinking that I’ve reached my destination.

Here’s the thing. I have to think of life design. Lifestyle. Something I do as a habit. At the same time, I have to introduce things that are uncertain. Unsure. I have to grow. I have to have routines. And the order and chaos have to come together as one messy package that will bring me to the next level.

761 words! Woo hoo! But I’m not done yet.

Soon my family will get up after watching a few videos on the smartphone. In the afternoon, we may meet Da Missus’s friends and kids. Later at 5, we will go to Nanta, located in Hongdae. What a way to start the day by celebrating New Year’s with my family watching some people cutting stuff on a kitchen table.

829 words. I have 171 words to go.

As I get closer to my thousand words, I realized that reaching a thousand words may not be hard as I think. But reaching a thousand meaningful words will be doggone bad.

But here’s the thing. Let’s create bulk. Let’s go for the numbers. Eventually I’ll reach a place where the words will have meaning to at least myself. And hopefully the words I write may have meaning for others.

Yeah I know. Write for someone. I can certainly write for me. Marcus Aurelius did that when he wrote his journal for Meditations. I’m sure he never thought his thoughts would be revealed to the entire world.

945 words. The final stretch.

I hope the Raptors beat the deer… I mean the Bucks. I know it will pose a great challenge for them. I hope the Raptors bring their ‘A’ game, pass the ball, get 30 assists, and beat them the way I know they can beat them.

996 words. So ends my first session of writing in 2018. This day is done.

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