Hanging on

On a day that featured utter chaos and the wheels flying off at any moment, I held on.

My eyes are still blurry. I do take comfort that I kept going and getting things done.

I also think that I should’ve done more. I should’ve prepared better. I’m full of excuses and that can’t happen.

Many lessons that was learned. I need to get at things when I have to do it.

I learned to let go. A lot of anger could’ve rose and overtaken me. But that’s wasn’t the biggest issue I had to deal with.

It was the millions that had to be done 5 minutes ago.

Photocopies. Giving access to students to the online system. Making booklets. Expanding vocabulary for certain classes.

In my mind, what a mess.

Chips on the Shoulder

In 2019, the chips have come in spades.

I’m trying to take these things like a challenge and work on them as best as I can.

Things back in Canada doesn’t seem to be going well. And it came to my door.

I know I have to respond. I don’t know how bad it is but it must be since the demand came so strong.

It’s mostly putting me under pressure. And I blame myself for it.

Another reason to make money way beyond where I am now. How can I find a way to make this happen? What’s the best way to do that? How fast can I make it? Can I create multiple sources?

One step at a time. Choose a method and go. You’ll fail often and badly. But I have to start somewhere.

No excuses. No blame. Go at it.

Notes And Arrghs

• I didn’t give myself a chance to figure out how I survived today.
• I know I took one task and tried to stay to the end.
• Then other things popped up and quite quickly. Those other tasks became urgent. I felt I had to go that path and leave the one I was working on.
• I did get those things done somehow. Then I went back to the things I wanted to get done first
• I was surprised to see how my mind kept all things in track. And in front of the students, I tried to keep it light and educational. I hope they learned something about writing.
• The thing in Canada is large, urgent, and important. How am I going to solve that? Hey brain, how can you solve that thing, eh?
• Hey God, please throw me a lifeline to solve the problems I have in front of me. Give me the courage to face each of the problems and act as strongly as I can.
• Help me to stretch, bend without breaking. Help me to know the goals and work toward them.
• Help me to relentless and determined. Draw it out and execute. Be not afraid to fail and then I fall, learn as quickly as I can, pick myself up and go at it again.